Another archive selection: A good rant.

I'm trying to imagine my life if the conservatives ever actually got the world the way they want it. Really, how would life be different?

First, I wouldn't be allowed to smoke in any building, ever, even if I were, say, in the middle of an S&M club with a fine display of chips, dips, chains, and whips around me. After all, I wouldn't want to endanger the life of a she-male having their ass paddled by their master. That would be horrible, thoughtless, and irresponsible of me.

I would probably have eight kids, because it's immoral to use any kind of birth control (since it would prevent the birth of a baby, and that's murder, don't ya know), and besides, life begins in a man's scrotum after two beers.

I could never be sure my vote counted in any election, because after all, as long as it's kinda known who would probably win if the votes were counted correctly, why bother to count them correctly? And why bother to figure out what problems we might have had with valid but uncounted (or counted but invalid) votes in past elections? Hell, we don't have to worry about another election for another few months. Why bother?

I would never be allowed to look at naked breasts. Even my own. However, I would be required to buy really boring, expensive underwear to cover them.

I would be able to spend more time with the Jesus of Cheese, because those violent, shoot-em-up video games he loves would be illegal, because they promote violence to young, impressionable minds. We would have to spent our time watching wholesome sports like baseball, basketball, and football. And NASCAR. Okay, I could live with that.

And in the end of my life, if I'm diagnosed with terminal cancer, I will not be allowed to use marijuana for nausea and pain, because it's bad. It's evil. Even though it would make more sense physiologically than giving me a lot of shots of morphine, I won't be allowed. Nope. No way. Even though I'm dying, I can't have access to a substance that is LESS harmful than alcohol.

I think I'll go hug a tree now.