Earthquake!

Yeah, we had an earthquake at midnight last night. Yes, earthquake. In North Texas. It was only a 3. Therefore, the picture above is NOT what happened last night; rather it is an illustration as to what an earthquake CAN do. Say, if you were in Alaska in 1964, which I wasn't since I wasn't born for another three and a half years.

(Those of you who are non-Texans--it happened near the DFW airport, for your geographical reference. It was not all that close to Texas Motor Speedway so I'm sure the Dickies 500 on Sunday will be totally unaffected.)

So, here we go with those "portents and signs" that wacky St. John the Divine wrote about while he was enjoying those lovely mushrooms on Patmos.

I wonder, if Obama doesn't get elected this time around, will armageddon be delayed? And having this knowledge, would you vote differently?

Me, neither.

Another one.

All y'all EXCEPT Rank n File should watch this ('cause RnF will just get all pissy at me again. So don't watch this, RnF. It'll just piss you off.)

So if your online handle is NOT RankNFile, click. Teehee!

Not for educatamative factors, but because it's entertaining. I heart Harrison Ford AND Shia LeBouf. (In my dreams, at the same time....um, where were we?....)

Oh. This:



PS I already voted a week ago, Monday.

Not soon mended

Bank policies suck.

I'm the Brownie troop treasurer. So I was stupid enough to e-mail our banker, telling her of OFL's passing, and asking her what the protocol is. Asked what paperwork was necessary, and I was also stupid enough to ask--God, I hate saying this--if she needed a death certificate or something.

When I was a teller at a credit union, we generally needed that. For PERSONAL accounts. Which this is definitely not.

Flash back to yesterday, when I was dropping the kids off at school. For weeks I had been watching for OFL's daughter, accompanied (usually) by her grandmother or occasionally her father. The day after OFL died, I knew it before K-Bear told me because I hadn't seen any of the family that morning.

Yesterday, I saw OFL's huband, X walking away from the school, and stop. He turned around to watch his daughter walk into the school. He stood there for a very long time; long enough that I nearly pulled over so I could ask him to get in and, I don't know, let me cry at him? Let me say stupid things meant to make him laugh? Distract him? Something.

I didn't do it. He was doing what he needed to. It'll be hard for him to know exactly what that is for a while.

But one thing's for damn sure. I am NOT asking him for any paperwork for any stupid bank account. Nor will I ask anyone else to.

The bank can go fuck themselves.

Hey! I still know how to tie dye!

A Minnesota Recipe

Cheezy Chicken Wild Rice Soup

1 32-oz carton chicken broth
1/2 Cup uncooked wild rice (the real stuff you buy from the Native Americans, if you can get it)
1 Cup cubed or shredded cooked chicken
1 small chopped onion
2 cloves minced garlic
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 cup shredded American cheese (or cubed, whatever works--it's just going to be melted anyway)
1/4 cup bacon bits
salt
fresh cracked pepper

In a large saucepan, cook wild rice in chicken broth (30-45 minutes, according to directions on container). Add chicken, onion, and garlic. Simmer until onions are cooked; about 15 minutes. Add cream of mushroom soup and blend; a large wire whisk works well. Slowly add American cheese and blend as it melts. Stir in the bacon bits. Salt and pepper to taste.

Interesting things I learned today:

1) When in Frisco, NEVER DRIVE ON ELDORADO PARKWAY! Ever. Or for at least two years. What a nightmare.

2) The librarians at the Frisco Public Library kick ass. And the techs and assistants and shelvers, too. And the temps. But mostly the librarians.

3) The library cards now come as a regular card AND one of those key fob things. You know, just like at the grocery or office supply store. Coolio! If I hadn't stupidly thrown away my old library card (what the fuck was I thinking?) it still would have been worth the $1 to get one.

4) I really should have explained, recorded, certified, harangued, and addressed ad nauseam (to the school) that my son, Simian Boy, is RED/GREEN COLORBLIND. Really. He is. Yeah, I know it's genetic. I know that because MY DAD IS RED/GREEN COLORBLIND. Oh and also MY DAD'S MOTHER WAS RED/GREEN COLORBLIND. So. Yeah. He is. He had a 50% of inheriting it from me, and damn, he did. Don't believe me? Prove me wrong.

5) Big Red gum is now available in this area. Not the extra hot whatever crap they had been selling; plain old Big Red. Thank you, Wrigley!

Um, I wonder if my son sees this at "Big Tan" gum. Oh, never mind.

6) With my jaw issues I really shouldn't chew any of that Big Red. But of course I bought some anyway.

7) There are liquor stores just right over there in Little Elm.

8) I can relax because I finally bought some more Glenfiddich. Hey, toothaches! Just try and foil me!

9) Leeks are out of season. Don't even try to buy them.

10) I know I said it before, but I'll say it again: early voting kicks ass. And so do Brownie Moms.

Now this is a new one.

The most recent Google search hit to my page came from the phrase "how to steal a Ford Contour." Bwaahaaahaahaaaaa!

If any of you recall, in the post that refers to the event: the perpetrator had access to the keys, and I specifically asked, "Why the fuck would anyone want to steal a 1996 Ford Contour?"

And really, why would anyone? Maybe because they're easy to steal, but I have no idea if that's true. Probably easier than, say, a BMW. Or even a Volkswagen--a relatively new one anyway.

Perhaps if you already owned one, and wanted another one for spare parts, and had the garage space to Frankenstein the two together without any authorities actually catching you.

Or just a plain old chop shop. However, one would assume those people already know how to steal one, and therefore don't need to Google it.

I guess I don't understand why anyone would want to bother even fixing such an old piece of crap. But that's just my opinion.

Sad news about OFL

Today K-Bear picked me up in her mom vehicle.

"Has anyone ever told you that you clean up real well?"

Actually, they have. I launched into the story of Elly's wedding and how her brother Dr. Mike told me so, repeatedly. With my husband on one side of me and my six month old daughter on the other and my boobs leaking milk. "No, really. You look REALLY good." Um, thanks, Dr. Mike.

"We're doing pretty good, ignoring that big elephant in the room," K-Bear said.

Oh, yeah. THAT elephant.

We were going to the school to pick up our daughters, plus some extras, to do one of the saddest things I've had to do so far in my middle-aged life.

This sounds like fiction, but we were taking the Brownie troop to to funeral of their troop leader.

Our Fearless Leader died late Tuesday of a very rare, aggressive cancer. She was diagnosed two years ago.

That picture up there? Our Fearless Leader is the one in the middle--the one without hair. Mergs, in black on the far right, is making her laugh. It's just as well OFL's eyes are shut; she had a horrible eye infection at the time. Left to right, the lovely ladies are Former Cookie Mom, K-Bear, OFL, New Cookie Mom, and Mergs. Missing from the picture are me and KM who was in the rest room. I don't remember where the rest were, but suffice to say they were nearby.

These women kick ass. All the Brownie moms do, of course (particularly 'Licia). These women--um, let's put it this way: I can pray with them, and I don't feel that way about many people.

So there we were at the church--the Brownie contingent. Strangely enough, most of us were dressed in brown. The girls had their uniform vests on, which was sweet because we told them it was entirely up to them. All of those that remembered to bring them, wore them.

In the next section over were the red-shirt contingent. Our Fearless Leader worked at the Red Dot Retailer, so her peeps from the several stores where she worked all sat together. Then there were the Suits from the Potato and Corn Chip Company; OFL's husband worked there for years (until he was laid off last week) and so the guys were there for him.

I'm not going to talk about the funeral itself.

As it ended, one of the girls in the troop said, "I'm going to go see Izzy," and the rest agreed; they hustled to the front of the church.

Izzy is OFL's daughter, who of course is also in the troop. Who has just lost her mom.

You know the Girl Scout motto?

"Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver,
the other is gold."

Our Fearless Leader taught 'em good.

Things I've learned this week

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Breaking and entering

Today was an adventure. Here's the backstory:

My daughter's Brownie troop leader has cancer. In fact, she's been fighting it for most of the time our daughters have been in Brownies together. This is not news. However, she's not doing well lately. At all. My friend K-Bear and I went to see her in the hospital last week, and damn. Damn.

Here's an aside: All of you hospital workers and hospice workers and home health care workers who deal with this every day with several patients, YOU ARE HEROES. You do something I couldn't ever do.

So damn, Our Fearless Leader (OFL from now on) did not look...well, "well" is the wrong word. Tired is the wrong word too. More like, she was running a quart low on that cosmic life energy thing we all have, that gets us up in the morning.

Times like this, people like me want to "do" something for the family. But it's not easy to ask the family what needs to be done, and damn near impossible for the family to try and think up something on the spot.

Today K-Bear and I "did" something. We weeded OFL's front yard, and swept the back porch. Then we sprayed Round-Up on the beginnings of some poison ivy we spotted. Then K-Bear went and bought groceries, then we went back and put them in OFL's kitchen for her husband and daughter, because that man could be an extra in a holocaust movie and they'd tell him to gain weight.

Then we secretly copied their house key, so we can sneak back in and do it again next week, if necessary.

'Cause after all, the leaders are Brownies, too.

Coozie

Look what my friend KM made for me! She makes them and sells them. She can make one for you, too.

Mine's the prototype for the bottle-shaped ones. I am to experiment and report back on its effectiveness and ease of usability.

I decided the first beer I drink while using it should be a Leinenkugel.

(Note to Northerners and other non-privledged people: A coozie is also called a "cozy" or "hugger" and probably lots of other things.)



So thanks, KM for the coozie (her web site's on my list of links) and thanks Jake for the beer.

Cheers!

Sonic

It's official. Our Sonic kicks ass. I already knew that.

For those up North and in other non-privileged places--and yes, I know there's now a Sonic in Savage, MN--Sonic is a classic drive-in restaurant. Drive up, park angled, peruse the menu, push the button, and order. Then they bring you your food.

AND!

The food's great. You can use your credit card right at the menu/order button console. They have a huge menu, and a drink happy hour (half price, 2 to 4 PM or somethingish). Cherry limeade at half price! You can't beat that!

And yes, sometimes the carhop is actually on roller skates. They even have a condiment carhop, who almost seems like a Cigarette Girl. (Look it up.)

When I go there in the PTLoser, I always take the top down. Because it's a drive-in, and it's a convertible, I have to. It's a law. I think it's a Federal law, actually.

It does confuse the children, though. But then I just tell them to hush up and sing along with "Take It Easy"* and we all leave happy. Because we leave with french fries AND tator tots AND onion rings.

Fast food nirvana. Kid you not.

*Yes, we went to Sonic in Winslow, Arizona. But it wasn't as good as the one at home.

Talladega commentary

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: Never gain a position below the yellow line while racing at Talledega!

Wracked my brain

I've been trying to figure out who Stick Girl's teacher for this year--Miss Cecilia--reminds me of, and I just figured it out.

She looks like the waitress in the Amp Energy commercial--the one with Dale Jr. and the gorilla, that has Zippy in a cameo.

Yeah, you probably have to be a NASCAR fan to even have seen the commercial. Sorry.

You've got a message.

Could be important.

Four months

Today is the 4 month anniversary of my quitting smoking.

To answer the questions some of you ask and some of you don't dare ask: NO. I haven't had a cigarette. Not a one. I've wanted one badly, many times, but I get over the craving rather quickly. Then I breathe deeply because I can.

Don't worry, smokers. I still love you! And I won't tell you to quit. I know you're not stupid and you have all the same info I had, so I will not bring it up unless you bring it up. Plus I'm jealous of you because you still have cigarettes and I don't.

For the record, it's still a mystery to me as to why I woke up one morning and thought, "Today I'm gonna quit smoking." It really was as out of the blue as that. I wish I could explain it. Hell, I wish I could bottle that and sell it; I'd be rich.

But once again, for people who find this post by searching "quitting smoking" or something similar, Here's how I did it:

1) Wellbutrin. It's an antidepressant, but it was first developed because it suppresses nicotine craving. In my case, though, I was already on it because I'm nutso. I can't prove this clinically, but I'm pretty sure being on Wellbutrin for a long time before I attempted to quit smoking was the reason it was relatively easy for my to quit. Just sayin'.

2) Nicoderm. I didn't use the gum because I'm not supposed to chew gum.

3) Totally removing my smoking spot in the garage. I didn't throw out the folding chair but I put it in a closet, and threw everything else away.

4) Lemon drops for the oral fixation. Strangely, I had trouble finding lemon drops, but they had them at the Target in the next town over, with the Jelly Belly buy-in-bulk bins.

5) Support from family and friends. I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks, everyone!