Turtles

This morning my kids reminded me of turtles, with their backpacks; Stick Girl had problems getting into the back of the convertible and was "stuck" because her backpack was bigger than her (the seat wasn't tipped forward.) When I was young, I don't remember carrying so much crap to school.

My Kindergarten education wasn't nearly so paper-based as my children's seems to be. I didn't have nearly as much to carry. Sometimes carried my lunch in my Peanuts lunch box (The Boy and The BeerHound has Partridge Family ones.) I think sometimes I brought home crap I had made, like the handprint in playdough and the "Brown Bear" book. But Kindergarten was different back then; it was more like pre-school is now. I learned the alphabet, but not how to read. I learned counting, but not math. I learned the months of the year and the days of the week.

But let's face it: I already knew all that crap before I went to Kindergarten. In fact, I had the misguided notion only a 5-year-old can have, that I was supposed to know all that before they let me IN. I thought there was a test.

And at my school, unfortunately, THERE WAS A TEST. It wasn't a test of knowledge, specifically; it was a psychological test to see if the kids were "ready" for Kindergarten.

The child psychologist was a hippie. Lennon glasses, long hair, beard and mustache, Jesus sandals. Whatever. Except I'm kind of amazed that they even let him in the building looking like that; it was 1973 and hippies were NOT welcome in my hometown.

He gave me a test, the parts of which I remember were tying a shoe which wasn't a real shoe; it was a cardboard drawing with holes punched in it and a lace through it; and drawing a person, next to which was an example of a stick person.

Now, I've always known pretty quickly who I did and didn't like, and I DID NOT LIKE this guy. He was condescending. His tests were condescending. I wouldn't talk to him and I wouldn't do anything he asked.

So when it was time to actually register me for Kindergarten, apparently there was a PUBLIC LIST of how each child ranked for intelligence and maturity--you saw where your kid fell on the scale, and also where EVERYONE ELSE'S KID ranked. I know this is illegal now, and I'm pretty sure it was illegal then.

However, this turned out to be a lucky thing, because my friend Otis's mom got there before my mom. She saw where Otis was ranked and thought it was accurate. Then she saw that I was ranked at the maturity and intelligence level of a 3 year old, and she had a fit. She pointed out to the principal, the teacher, the secretary, and the school counselor (who was NOT the hippie) that I knew my entire alphabet, could count to 49, draw detailed pictures of people all the way down to their eyelashes, and had in fact taught Otis how to tie his shoes. And also, that I was initially shy but would happily talk to anyone, once I got to know them.

By the time my mom got there, the secretary headed her off and said, "We understand there's been a mistake in regard to your daughter's testing."

To which my mom replied, "I'm not surprised. My daughter said that the guy who tested her couldn't even draw a real person; he just had some lines. And he couldn't tie his own shoes either, since he had to wear sandals with buckles."

I really did think that guy was stupid. In my thinking, there was no point in tying the laces on a fake shoe, because the only reason to tie your shoes is to keep them on your feet. The fake shoe served no practical purpose, so tying it was pointless.

Looking back, I'm pretty sure the guy was biased against girls, and I have the statistics to prove it. The class ahead of me, the class of '85, had (in 1984) 56 people, 25 of whom were girls--44%. My class, '86, had 47 people, 15 of whom were girls--31%. The class of '87 had 44 people, 21 of whom were girls=47%.

So the female percentage dropped from 44%, went down to 31%, then went up to 47%? I can think of at least five girls in the class of '87 who were supposed to be in my class, and only one of them, in retrospect, would I say was behind in maturity/social skills. A couple of them were being abused by their father (we found out much later). I can think of a couple of boys who were also held back, but that assessment was probably correct.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who even remembers any of this, and I'm tempted to call my grade school and ask to see my "Permanent Record." You know, just to see if I've been wrong all my life, and I'm actually really stupid and anti-social.

Then I'll find that psychologist and ask him to draw a picture of this: