Hello. Hello, again.

Early this morning, I was drunkenly but not unkindly booted off my old shared blog, because I have breasts and a vagina. I could ramble about the event, but I'll just boil it all down to this: Nick's site (linked somewhere on this page) really should be about him. It's definitely time to leave the nest.

I did a lot of crappy, sappy writing over there. But I did a lot of good writing over there, too. So I'll intro over here the same way I did over there. Here's a little ditty from March, 2004:

BeerPup is a Geek

To show what a geek I am, I offer this as my official introduction:

Imagine that you're watching the Bravo channel. Inside the Actor's Studio, having run out of good actors to interview, and has also worked their way through mediocre actors who happen to be ''stars'' (they had SMeg Ryan on, for god's sake!), they have now become Inside the Average Lame Writer's Mind. The interview was very uneven, since the guest declined to ever look at James Lipton, except to call him an obsequious ass (which prompted a standing ovation from the students). Pushing on, however, James 'Where's my martini' Lipton has reached the conclusion, and poses his traditional final questions.

Q. What is your favorite word?

A. 'Worcestershire.' Because I can spell it.

Q. What is your least favorite word?

A. 'Cute.' With 'nice' running a close second.

Q. What turns you on?

A. Guy on guy action. Oh, wait, that wasn't what you meant, was it? You know, you should always explain that question better, Jimmy--can I call you Jimmy? I can't? Well, Jimmy, you really should explain that question better, to save your guests some embarrassment. If you don't, what kind of obsequious ass are you? Where were we? What turns me on, intellectually, emotionally? Um. Guy on guy action. Yeah. That would have to be it.

Q. What turns you off?

A. Penguins. Or when my handcuffs break.

Q. What sound do you love?

A. The sound of air breaks when I'm having sex on the subway.

Q. What sound do you hate?

A. That bongo sound when Scooby and Shaggy run and don't get anywhere.

Q. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

A. Belly dancer. I can already roll my stomach like that. No, I won't show you, Jimmy.

Q. What profession would you not like to participate in?

A. Ice cream truck driver. I don't think I could handle the death threats.

Q. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

A. Bar's open. *clink*