Being Anti-antichrist

Here's the really stupid part about the prophesied End Times. According to the prophecy, no one will see it coming. No one will recognize the antichrist for who he is. It'll be all, "Who is Darth Sidious? Oh hello, there, Chancellor Palpatine. Nice to see you."

We'll all be as clueless as George Lucas trying to write a convincing plot. None of us will notice that we never see Superman and Clark Kent together. Soylent Green will always be a really delicious treat the government thought up for us.

There are a few traditional characteristics that the antichrist is supposed to possess: charismatic, intelligent, obtains a position of power--political or otherwise--without seeming to seek it, physically attractive, and basically able to seduce the world. Oh, and he'll be accompanied by his hound of Hell.

Except for the dog part, I just described Steve Jobs. But there are other possibilities, some obvious and some not:

Dubya: He could be the antichrist, in a manner as obvious as the Palpatine/Sidious scenario. However, I don't think he's smart enough. He's not even smart enough to figure out that a whole lot of the population he represents is smarter than him.

Cheney: Nah. Way too obvious.

Martha Stewart: Until her fall from power, I was pretty sure she would gain control of the world, one simple 48-step project at a time.

Ashley Judd: I only added her because she always has to have her dog with her. And he's one of those little dogs, who are all creatures of Hell. Plus, she has become quite successful even though she lacks any talent whatsoever.

Mel Gibson: Now wouldn't that be ironic?

The Pope: The current one. The last one was actually a nice guy. I know that because my friend Elly met him once.

However, I'm sure none of these speculations are correct because that would negate the idea that the anti-christ will go among us undetected. In the end, we just won't know. However, I'm sure of one thing: I don't think the Antichrist will let anyone burn the Gutenberg Bible. Boy, what a relief!

Wait, I just thought of something. Does Barack Obama have a dog?