Knob!

I'd like to announce that my stovetop is clean.

It doesn't happen very often so an announcement is warranted.

The knobs are clean, too. However, they're damaged. I once (okay, more than once) set a hot cookie pan on top of them and they melted in an unattractive way. They work fine. They just look like we live in a rental.

Now, those of you who've been to my house know that the appearance of my stove knobs is the LEAST of the aesthetic deficiencies in my home.

Doesn't mean it doesn't bug me.

It does kind of bug me that a stove part is so easily...meltable. Maybe I was expecting vulcanized plastic or something.

Anyway, looking for replacements, I'm running into the usual problem. No problem finding a web site that sells appliance parts, but they always want the fucking MODEL NUMBER. My house is fucking 16 years old! How the fuck do I know what the model number is?

You'd think that searching "GE electric cooktop black replacement knob" would turn something up, but NOOOOO!

And I know how it would go if I went to a store looking for them, too.

BP: Hi. I need replacement knobs for my GE electric cooktop. They're black.

Minion: You need what?

BP: Knobs for my cooktop.

M: Oh. A cooktop, you say? Gas or electric?

BP: Electric. Like I said earlier.

M: Do you have the model number?

BP: No.

M: Because you can find the number under...

BP: Um, I didn't bring the cooktop along. But I'm here now, and I'd like some new knobs.

M: What brand is is?

BP: GE. Like I said earlier.

M: Well, here's some GE knobs.

BP: But those are for a gas stove. Plus, they're white.

(Several minutes later.)

M: So you need replacement knobs for your black GE electric cooktop.

BP: Exactly.

M: Why didn't you just say so?

At which point I would stab him in the temple with a temperature probe from a nearby Amana Radar Range. It doesn't damage him because he's really an android and he's been hiding the stove knobs in his pseudo-cranial storage cavity the whole time.