Buffy didn't invent vampires. Well, maybe one.

We went to a Halloween party on Saturday as Madeline Kahn and Peter Boyle in Young Frankenstein. The party theme was "Dead Man's Party" and you were supposed to come as someone deceased.

So there we were, my honey with his head extra-bald and green, wearing a leopard-print pajama top, with reading glasses and a Wall Street Journal, and me with the classic Bride of Frankenstein hair, in a lovely white penoir set and fur mules.

We've been going to this party every year since 1995. Some of the guests, we only see on Halloween and New Year's and sometimes a couple of other key party dates, but it's always a crowd of old friends and usually a few new ones.

Such as it was on Saturday, with one exception.

In party circulation, there was a particularly drunk woman. I was chatting with my friend Nancy, and this Hellvira woman was showing signs of already being a little sloppy.

'K. Now I have NO problem with drunkenness, as y'all well know. Just making that clear.

She was supposed to be a vampire. I could kind of tell from her white shirt, red scarf, and...well, because someone pointed out that she was supposed to be a vampire. The woman loudly announced that she had already lost her teeth.

Granted, I had loudly announced just a bit earlier that this was the first Halloween party, to which I had ever worn a bra. Hey, in context, it was funny.

A bit later, someone asked Nancy if her husband Sid was wearing her jeans. He was.

"None of his own jeans were tight enough to look like a punk rocker! There's some lycra in there! So they're punk-tight."

"Tight enough to see his religion," I said. The other ladies twittered, and some laughed, particularly the Swedish Gwenivere. "Not that I looked. Well, maybe."

Hellvra made incoherent noises of confusion, disapproval, and outrage. Um, what? Okay, whatever. Maybe she was too young for the 80s when you really COULD see a guy's...religion clearly. Maybe she's never seen an uncircumcised penis. She definitely didn't quite know what I meant.

Later I was back in the room where Hellvira had Swedish Gwen trapped (hey, it's where the punch was!). Hellvira suddenly turned to me and said, "Who are you supposed to BE, anyway???"

"Have you ever seen the movie Young Frankenstein?" (Or any Frankenstein movie, for that matter, or seen a tv show about movie monsters, or classic horror flicks, or...well, you know.)

"NO." Pronounced with two sylables. As if it was a ridiculous question.

"Well then it would be IMPOSSIBLE to explain it to you then."

I left the room and decided to switch back to beer.

A bit later I questioned Nancy. "Is that woman..."

"Neighbor," she said, indicating the direction she lived.

"That neighbor. When she's sober, would she possibly get a basic pop culture reference....?"

Nancy was already shaking her head. "No. No brain. No life. Classic example of...vapid."

"Okay. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Drunk, fine. Great, acutally. Ignorant, fine. But drunk, ignorant, AND bitchy? No. Just, no."

Nancy laughed.