Mr. Robert O'Connor, the crossing guard at Curtsinger Elementary whom I wrote about earlier today, has passed away. He was the father of our vice principal, Ms. Salzman.
I'm so sorry for her loss. My thoughts and prayers are with Mr. O'Connor's family.
First day of school and I already have a carpool story to share.
I was dropping the kids off and noticed that the lady who has been the crossing guard for the last three years isn't there any more. She was only going to keep the job until her granddaughter started middle school. The new guy, an older gentleman, was--it seemed--not quite used to the rhythm of the job. There were a lot of people waiting to walk across as I drove through.
I dropped the kids at the door, giving them my usual pep talk, which my daughter (who now will be known as StarfyFreak since she's announce she hates being called Stick Girl) calls "Being weird."
"Hit your [seat belt] buttons, put on your backpacks, secure your lederhosen, and get your hugging arms ready because you're about to see your friends!"
There was a bit of a delay getting back onto the road. Everyone seemed to be turning right and a bus coming from the other direction was slowly turning left. The driver looked nervous, and motioned for me to not move forward as she turned.
Actually, she looked totally freaked out. I figured out why as soon as she finished turning.
The new crossing guard had collapsed in the middle of the street. The police had a patrol car with its lights flashing in the other driving lane. One of the dads had taken over the crossing guard's stop sign and was handling foot traffic and making everyone in my line of cars turn right. You know, so as not to hit the guy on the ground. He was being attended to by the cop. No one had started CPR yet, and I hope it was because the guy didn't need it.
It was traumatic. It was the sort of trauma that seems like fiction.
I've got to say that it was monumentally amazing that there was even a patrol car in the school zone in the first place. The city doesn't have the resources and so we don't have daily police patrols for school zones. Once a week, tops.
This incident is so upsetting, I don't have a conclusion to my story. Maybe there will be more to the story later. I'll keep you posted.
To CVS and Walgreens: Please, PLEASE stock Goody's Cool Orange Headache Powders. Yes, I know you sell the original, but honestly, let's talk about the packaging. It's white powder folded up in a piece of waxed paper. If you ever take the stuff in public or even in the break room at work, people think it's cocaine. The packaging of the Cool Orange flavor (sealed plastic pouch, clearly marked) is more socially acceptable and doesn't bring the police to your desk if you just happen to have a headache or back pain. I already called the manufacturer about it, but you still should take the initiative and put the stuff on the shelves. Thanks. Oh, and also, could you start selling your product in Minnesota? And also, thanks for sponsoring Tony Stewart. I love that guy. In my mind, he loves me, too. Thanks for bringing us together.
To my dog: Shut up. You ate already. You WOKE ME UP so I would feed you.
To Taco Bell on Preston: Thanks for finally hiring some people who are friendly and competent! It's about effing time!
To the Frisco Post Office employees: Y'all rock. Lots of people hate the post office, but I kinda like it, and I like that you're friendly and competent and fast and wear beads on Mardi Gras and give out cookies on April 15th and stuff. Also. I hope you will enjoy your Saturdays off, if you get them, you know, if that legislation happens.
To my lawn service: I missed you last week. Walking in my yard right now makes my ankles itch. See you tomorrow!
To Texas Motor Speedway: I hope to come and see you in November! I'm working on it!
To the ladder in my garage: Stop falling over and scratching my UrbanTruckster. You're starting to piss me off.
To the weather: Please stay cloudy and threatening to rain so I don't have to go to the pool today. That way, I can get a head start on my daily beer consumption.
To Tom DeLay and Brett Farve: You're looking really pathetic. I'd tell you to get out while you have some dignity, but it's too late for that.
To the Looserans--I mean the ELCA: Good luck on that gay ministers vote. While you consider it, remember that the Bible has more admonitions against shellfish than it does against homosexuality. So remember, a vote for gays is a vote for Red Lobster! Er.
We finally closed on our refinancing, end of July. You know what sucks about the whole thing? It wasn't really necessary. We're not in financial trouble, we don't have problems paying the mortgage, and we've never ever paid late. Ever. Once the bank messed up so it appeared as if we paid late, and I made them make a notation that it was their fault and not ours. Prior to closing, we were getting zero information from the bank--they couldn't even tell us if we'd owe closing costs or if we had enough equity for cash out. THEY WOULDN'T TELL US! And I think, by law, they're supposed to tell us 48 hours in advance of the closing. At least.
Then they did owe us money for cash-out, but didn't tell us it would take another week to actually give us the money.
All through this, the Dave was maybe, maybe not going back to work for MKay. Once again there was zero information going on (and I know that was mostly Dave's fault). Finally I asked my friend Bloomie--you know my homeschooler friend in Plaintown--if Dave was getting the job or not. You see, her husband will be The Dave's boss. The Dave and this guy have worked together at three different companies, just because they work really well together.
Of course Bloomie knew (yes, The Dave would be offered the job) and I was mad at myself that I didn't ask her sooner. But then again, their whole family had the flu for most of July so she wouldn't have been able to talk much anyway.
Then it took a couple more weeks to find out if they met his salary request, and other requests, like having 4 weeks vacation like he used to the last time he worked for MKay, and vested 401(k) and stuff. No-go on the vacation but that wasn't a deal-breaker.
Then I was waiting for a rather large amount of money from a CD to arrive, which took about 7 days longer than I thought it would. And once again, we don't need the money. But we knew it was coming.
And once Dave finally had a start date at MKay (same as the first day of school) we, in my mind, had limited time during which to apply for passports. No, we're not going anywhere soon, but Dave might have to go to Russia or China or Mexico because MKay does well in there. Travel to those countries was specified on his job description.
So finally on Wednesday, we applied for passports. Mine's been expired for 9 years (I have an 80s Freshly Fucked hairstyle in the picture). And for children, both parents must be present to apply for the child's passport. We wanted them for the kids just in case we take that shortcut through Canada again in the future. And I'm not kidding, there's a shortcut through Canada, for us, where we usually travel...through national forests and such. It's not going to be acceptable to just have birth certificates for that, very soon, if it isn't already disallowed.
The cost? $497.50. For four passports (we requested both book and ID card formats). $497.50 to prove we're American.
So I turned around this week and realized we have one week. ONE FRICKING WEEK to not having anything in the pipe, so to speak. I think we'll be at the pool for most of it.
So back to the summer cave retreat idea: I can micro-multi-task, but I can't macro-multi-task. I can deal with my family and my life, day-to-day, but if something big is coming up? I can't move on to the next big thing.
Basically, I was in my house. All summer. Being my slightly agoraphobic self. My cave. You know I don't even like it if the kids open the shades that face the patio? I finally got the shades put up in my kitchen, and I immediately felt calmer. It was freaky.
I know what you're thinking. I need new meds. And I agree. But my old meds were costing nearly $200 a month because our health insurance was so crappy, so I've been waiting to see if The Dave was going back to MKay, which has wonderful health insurance.
A week from Monday, I can go back to the doc for different meds.
My whole family is looking forward to that day.
I've been wide awake since 4:30. I can't decide if that's good or bad.
Before that I was having odd dreams. The things that normally happen in dreams, didn't. I was in college, and I went from one class to another. The second class, I wasn't prepared for the test that was being given. Normally at this point in the dream there would be panic on my part, and I'd try and explain my way out of it by saying I already have two college degrees and so why do I need another? And who registered me for this class anyway? Then I flunk the class, the whole year, and my life is in ruins.
Except this time, I looked at the test, which had two sets of questions: one normal one, and another set you could take if you chose to consult your class notes (for an automatic grade deduction). I realized I couldn't pass either since I didn't know anything about music theory, and I didn't have class notes, having never attended the class. Where the dream usually goes South, instead I walked up to the teacher and said, "There's no way I can pass this course. I need to withdraw. Will you sign my withdrawal form?"
And she DOES! Then I'm going somewhere with my friend and she's in a hurry to get somewhere and when we get to the spot where we have to choose where she wants to go, or where the administration building is, I say, "I have to go take care of this. It's the last day to withdraw without penalty and maybe I can get some tuition back."
She doesn't try and convince me to go with her!
So I go to where you wait in line, and there's no one else in line! And all the windows are open! And one guy says, "Can I help you?" When he realizes what I need, he says, "This is the wrong line. I only handle people with names up to 'C'. You have to go two windows over."
And that window is open too! I withdraw and get 20% of my tuition back from the course, which is better than nothing.
And then I go with my friend to learn how to best photograph dogs. Turns out, it's important to have their shadow in the photo--according to my dream, anyway.
Then I hugged puppies, and then I woke up and couldn't sleep.
Which is why I couldn't decide if being awake since 4:30 was good or bad.
Let me tell you about "hotdish." A lot of you might wonder why I think you need to be told about it, because you have Tator Tots AND cream of mushroom soup in your cupboard. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Put simply, "hotdish" is what everyone else in the world, outside of the upper-midwest, calls a casserole.
(I know that "casserole" can also refer to the dish or pan the food is cooked and served in, but we're not going there today.)
"Hotdish" usually contains Cream of Mushroom Soup. Some ladies have been known to use Cream of [something else, probably cellery] Soup, but they probably won't tell you that when they give you the recipe. "Hotdish" also usually contains some type of potato, even if the potato is only stale chips crumbled on the top. Other possible ingredients are ground beef, cooked chicken or turkey, a frozen or canned vegetable. Some ladies get fancy and use cheese, too, plus some other stuff I'm pretty sure they only sell in towns with a population of larger than 10,000.
I've been in Texas too long. A year or so ago, I was planning supper and realized I had NO POTATOES IN THE HOUSE! Not in the freezer, or fridge, or cupboard, or even forgotten in the trunk of my car (hey, it's happened!). The absence of potatoes in and of itself wasn't the bad part. The bad part was that I realized I had been out of potatoes for a couple of weeks!
Really, I'm not quite sure how we survived.
So in a panic, I called my friend Elly. Elly is from Nebraska so she mostly understands the crisis.
"Elly! I'm out of potatoes! No russet, no reds, no whites, not even any french fries or Tator Tots in the freezer! Not even any leftovers! I'm gonna get kicked out of the Honorary Minnesota Women's Association!"
"Calm down. Take a breath," Elly said in her calming librarian voice that we both learned in Library School. "Now think: do you have instant?"
"Wait...wait...um..." I was searching the cupboard. "I do! Oh, what a relief!"
I'm probably not explaining it well. So just take my word for it: if you're from Up North, you were raised on Hotdish, and you always, ALWAYS had the ingredients in the house to make one. Even when you were in college.
Most popular is Tator Tot Hotdish:
Ingredients:
Tator Tots
1 lb. ground beef
1/2 C diced onions
1 can of corn
1 can of Cream of Mushroom Soup
Salt and pepper to taste. Any other spices are heretical.
Brown the ground beef with the onions. Spread it in a layer on the bottom of a casserole (I know; shut up) dish. Salt and pepper to taste. Next, carefully spread the Cream of Mushroom soup, straight from the can, over the layer of ground beef and onions. Smooth it out with a spatula. Then, open the corn and drain the corn...okay, squeeze out every bit of water that you are able...oh just use frozen! Spread the corn in an even layer on top of the soup. Then spread a layer of (still frozen) Tator Tots on top. I'm OCD (discussed on an earlier blog post) so I usually line them up really neatly.
Then bake it uncovered at 350F for an hour. Best when served with buttered white bread.
If you want to get fancy you can add a layer of American cheese, but I usually don't.
That's it.
Oh, wait. There's more to this Hotdish thing. Everyone has their own specialty. If you ever ask someone for their hotdish recipe, the recipe they give you will NOT be the way they usually cook it themselves. When you attempt it, your hotdish will be good, but not the same as your friend's hotdish.
Which was the point of this whole post. I'm about to give up my mom's secret to her hotdish.
That's right. Lois' Rice Hotdish, finally revealed to the public for the first time ever!
(It has no potatoes. Shut up.)
Lois' Rice Hotdish: Now that I've told you this, I'll have to kill you. Oh, by the way, read the whole recipe through before you attempt it. It's not for amateurs.
Ingredients:
1 lb lean ground beef (at least 93%)
1 Cup diced onion (your choice but I prefer scallions. I mean, green onions. Whatever.)
1 Cup diced cellery
1 (small) can of mushrooms; ends and pieces are fine
1 1/2 Cup long grain rice (uncooked)
1 1/2 tsp molasses
1 1/2 tsp Kitchen Boquet (next to the Worcestershire sauce at the store. You know, by the steak sauce. It's a brown bottle with a yellow label)
1 1/2 tsp soy sauce
(I use twice as much mollasses, Kitchen Bouquet, and soy sauce. Actually, I just pour in "some.")
1 Can Cream of Mushroom Soup
3 Cups water
For this, you need something bigger than a casserole dish. I suggest the covered roaster you can bake a whole chicken in, but not the one that's for the Thanksgiving turkey. Whatever you use, it must have a lid that fits well.
Now we get to the secret. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients. Do NOT pre-cook the ground beef or anything else. Really. You're putting in the ground beef raw.
Combine until it's fairly uniform. Okay, I know it's not going to be uniform, what with the celery and whatnot. But mix thoroughly.
You want to know the best way to do that? No, you really don't but I'm going to tell you anyway.
Use your hand. Of course, you wash your hands first. Also, you can put on a latex glove to do it. (Found in the pharmacy section of the store; get the ones WITHOUT corn starch. They also come in handy for cutting jalapenos and other things that might stain or sting.)
Anyway, squish the ground beef in the gloppy mixture until resembles...well it will look gross. Mix until there are no lumps of ground beef. It's like making meat loaf, but runnier. The rice will sink to the bottom; don't worry about it.
This CAN be done with a spoon or a wire whisk, but it takes longer that way.
Pour it into the roaster or whatever you're cooking it in, cover and bake in a 350F oven for 90 minutes. Yep, an hour and a half. Stir it every 30 minutes or the ground beef will float. Oh, and the last 30 minutes is usually only 15 minutes in my oven. YMMV.
Once again, serve with buttered white bread. You can also put more soy sauce on top of it before you eat it.
There. Now you all know the secret. May God have mercy on my soul.
But I'm not kidding about the buttered white bread.
