Hey lady! Yeah, you!

Confidential to the lady at the grocery store: Yah, you, bitch. You, the one who whined "Escuse me" to me as you manuvered your cart around me because I was looking for something. I wasn't blocking the whole aisle, and the store wasn't busy. Your "Excuse me" was totally unnecessary but once said, I was happy to give an obsequeous "No problem!" in reply.

But that look you gave me. Really. Not necessary. I mean, it would have made sense if you were a lesbian or something, but it was kind of obvious you're not.

How do I know? Well, you looked at me as if I should actually CARE what you think about how I look!

Which today, I've got to admit, did not adhere to the "Texas in March after dark" standard. Then again I decided long ago that such standards don't apply to me. I decided that about the time that I tried to figure out why everyone around me was wearing their shower shoes. I wondered if there was a rampant fungus going around which I hadn't heard about. Then, by my favorite method of research--also known as "eavesdropping"--I discovered they're called "flip-flops" and it is, for some reason, acceptible for anyone to wear them anywhere in Texas in the summer, though they are highly encouraged on airplanes, and probably frowned upon by the higher-ups at the Mary Kay Corporation.*

Shower shoes. Something people wear when they are otherwise completely naked. You know, like a condom or something. I just think it's weird, plus they're nearly impossible to keep on one's feet while walking, unless one curls one's toes, and that's just not good for your feet. Plus, I tend to feel that the curling of one's toes should be inspired by one's beloved, and not one's poor choice in footwear.

I have a very low standard when it comes to every-day dressing. It is: beat-up old tennis shoes, socks, standard underwear, a tank top in any color except that beige that washes me out, and either jeans or shorts.

It's after March 1, and the temperature was WELL above freezing today, so I was wearing shorts.

Herein I have strayed from what is acceptible in Texas, in March, after dark.

I was wearing a jacket, at least. Not necessarily an attractive jacket, but sorta cute. And sorta short-sleeved.

Really, I was only wearing that particular jacket because I still had it on from picking up the kids when it was sunny AND almost "warm" AND it covered up the fact that I'm wearing a tank top.

It's not really a good idea, when picking up one's children at school and when seen by school faculty and staff, to not dress in accordance with the school dress code. Believe it or not, I don't wear short-shorts or tank tops when I go there. I make sure to wear a jacket over the tank tops anyway. I also, and this is really difficult for me, do NOT wear anything that makes any reference to beer. I have tons of beer shirts and bar shirts and several shirts with my nickname on them, which means that if choose poorly when dressing in the morning, I will end up wearing a jacket at carpool when it's 80 degrees out because I don't need anyone asking me what "BeerPup" is and where this "TreyFools Roofing" company is located.

But a tank top WITH a jacket is totally acceptable, because the school dress code makes no reference whatsoever to clevage. And I can't hide my boobs anyway, and why would I want to? As I've said before: "THEY'RE REAL, AND THEY'RE MAGNIFICANT."

Even in this day and age, people make assumptions about women in regard to the size of their breasts.

So, then, lady from the store: I don't care. Thank you for amusing me, though.

Oh, and also: now you can go and tell your friends that now you know what hookers do on their day off.

Have a nice day!

*I know this for a fact. Also, it's not a good idea, if you work at Mary Kay, to change your pantyhose in the parking garage. They'd rather see a run in your hose. Want to change those hose so you don't get in trouble? Look for security cameras first.