Oh, about the quitting smoking

Just so's y'all know, I have been absolutely, totally, 100% successful in my quitting smoking. I quit at about 10 in the morning on June 2, 2008 and have not had another cigarette since.

I will attribute my success to three things: Wellbutrin, Nicoderm, and gas prices. I'll also give a nod to Jelly Belly lemon drops.

Here's how I did it:

1) Since I'm crazy, I was put on Wellbutrin a couple of months before quitting smoking. It made the cigarettes taste like dirt. I kept doing it, however.

2) Then gas prices got stupidly expensive, and I realized just how much a waste of money smoking is.

3) So I bit the bullet and bought a box of Nicoderm. Luckily the lady at the pharmacy warned me that people get hooked on the patches instead of the smokes, which had never even occurred to me, but it makes sense. What a cool way to get a nic-fix in private! No social repercussions when no one knows you're wearing your addiction on your ass! I originally bought the strongest strength, but it was so strong it freaked me out. I quickly switched to the next level down, and when I started forgetting to use it until halfway through the day, I didn't even bother to go to the third level down.

4) Whenever an urge to smoke hit me, I would first breathe REALLY deeply and thank God that I could. Then I'd go through all those things that the Nicoderm program tells you to. And if none of that worked, I would eat a lemon drop.

Ya see, lemon drops immediately make me salivate. And I like them. Pickles worked, too, if I wasn't in a mood for something sweet.

5) And then there's my family and friends who willingly talked to me on the phone when I needed encouragement, or just something to do.

But you know what? Talking about all this--it makes me want a cigarette.

And then he punched me

Some time in junior high, my brother The Boy came home with a story.

We were all required to tell a story when we came home from school. "How was school today?" was never answered with, "Fine."

"It was so funny! Cass was telling a story about this guy, he was just talking, this guy, and the said something about punching someone and when he did it, he threw a punch in the air to demonstrate. But just at that moment, someone walked around the corner and the guy accidentally punched him!!

"But here's the funny part! When CASS was telling the story, he did the same thing, see? He threw the punch. But just at that moment, Hammer walked around the corner and Cass punched him!"

By now, The Boy was pretty animated, waving his arms, imitating Hammer's shocked look.

"Isn't that funny? I mean he's ALREADY telling a story about someone accidentally punching someone, and it happens again! Just like--" he threw a punch.

Just as I walked around the corner.

Pocono recap

Sorry for the writer's block lately. If I knew how to unblock it, I would.

However, I do have a few things to say about Tony Stewart's win on Sunday.

1) WA-FUCKIN-HOO!!!!!

2) Really, spectacular. Fun to watch/listen to. Hey, I had to hear the last 34 laps on the radio, and do NOT get me started talking about why, because I guess I'm a little angry about that.

3) Carl Edwards is a whining dickwad. I understand being disappointed at loosing, but one's standing in the eyes of the fans is NOT improved by saying, "Well, I had the better car," and "I thought for sure he'd run out of gas." Mostly because this means, if Cousin Carl DID have the better car, then he lost due to bad driving or bad strategy. And saying he thought Tony would run out of gas (based on a race a couple of years ago when Tony DID run out of gas...in the old car and not the COT, with a different team and crew chief, on a different track) is just BAD STRATEGY. In other word, Cousin Carl: if you had the better car, WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU WIN? Oh, wait, it's because Tony's a better driver, and also, you're a dickwad.

4) WA-FUCKIN-HOO!!!!!

RIP Koko Taylor

Koko Taylor has died. I really like her music, and I enjoyed meeting her briefly five years ago. I was on my way to Duluth for the Bayfront Blues Festival, and of course, so was she. Here's the re-post of the story of meeting her:


Originally posted 17 August 2004: All the sordid details, Vol. 1

Saxygal gave me a ride to the airport. My flight was at 6AM so we both had to get up at 0-dark:30. I changed planes in Chicago. I had to book it from one extreme end of one terminal to another terminal. Times like that, I'm really glad I used to hike and bike a lot; strap a backpack on me and it sends a signal to my feet to move fast and ignore hills.

Not that there are any hills in O'Hare, but still.

I only rushed because I thought my next flight would be boarding by the time I got there. Since I rushed, of course, it didn't board for a good 20 minutes.

So I sat down, only slightly out of breath, between two ladies who were chatting with each other: one, a total grandmotherly type, complete with ass spread, over-curled perm and orthopedic shoes. The other was probably of a similar age, but she was a really classy looking black lady.

So I started chatting with them. They wondered if my backpack was heavy, and I diplomatically told them that some would think so, but I was used to hefting toddlers so it didn't bother me.

We chatted about children in baby seats on planes. We chatted about the Concorde. We chatted about all manner of innocuous things, they way you do when you don't have a good book while waiting for a flight.

When I got off the plane, they were cleaning the women's bathroom. No pee break for me! My ride Skydog was about to walk in to the airport as I was coming out. He commented that Koko Taylor 's limo was out front and I might have ridden the plane with her.

I said, "Yeah, I did. In fact, I talked to her."

"What about?"

"Baby seats."

The BeerHound and her friend Paddy-Cakes were still an hour away due to unforseen drunkenness, so SkyDog and I went to his house for a kick-ass cup of coffee.

It felt good to breathe fresh air.